The Fourth Trimester

Those first three months feel like you're living in a different world. Your baby sleeps for 16-20 hours a day, but somehow you're more exhausted than you've ever been. Welcome to the fourth trimester—that intense transition period where you're not just caring for a baby, you're becoming a family.

I remember those early days feeling like I was failing at everything. The baby would cry, and I'd run through a mental checklist: hungry? dirty diaper? too hot? too cold? Sometimes none of those things worked, and I'd just hold him and cry too. If that sounds familiar, you're not alone, and you're definitely not failing.

Feeding: The Never-Ending Story

Whether you're breastfeeding or formula feeding, those first weeks can feel like you're constantly feeding someone. And honestly? You kind of are.

If You're Breastfeeding

Expect to nurse 8-12 times a day in those early weeks. Yes, that means every 1.5 to 3 hours around the clock. Your baby's stomach is tiny—about the size of a marble at birth—so they need frequent small meals.

The hardest part isn't the frequency, it's learning to read your baby's cues. Rooting around, making little sucking motions, or bringing their hands to their mouth are all early hunger signs. Crying is actually a late hunger cue, so try to catch them before then when possible.

Growth spurts hit around 2-3 weeks, 6 weeks, and 3 months. During these times, your baby might cluster feed, which means they want to nurse constantly for a day or two. It's exhausting, but it's how they signal your body to make more milk. Power through with snacks, water, and whatever entertainment gets you through.

If You're Formula Feeding

Start with 1-2 ounces per feeding for a newborn, gradually increasing as they grow. Most babies will eat every 2-4 hours, taking 6-8 bottles per day.

The formula doesn't need to be warm—room temperature is fine. Some babies are picky about temperature, but many don't care at all. Always make bottles fresh and use them within an hour of mixing to keep things safe.

Reading Hunger and Fullness

Learning your baby's cues takes time. Early hunger looks like lip smacking, turning their head when you touch their cheek, or putting their hands near their mouth. When they're full, they'll turn away from the breast or bottle, push it away with their tongue, or simply fall asleep.

Sleep (Or the Lack Thereof)

Let me just say this upfront: newborn sleep is not like older baby sleep. There's no schedule, no predictability, and definitely no sleeping through the night. Your baby doesn't know the difference between day and night yet, and that's completely normal.

In the first two weeks, expect 30-minute to 3-hour stretches of sleep. By 6-12 weeks, you might get lucky with a 4-5 hour stretch at night, but don't count on it happening every night.

Your baby will spend about half their sleep time in REM sleep, which means they're more easily woken and they make a lot of noise while sleeping. The grunting, squeaking, and random movements are all normal. They're not necessarily awake or uncomfortable—they're just loud sleepers.

Safe sleep is crucial. Always put your baby on their back to sleep, use a firm mattress with just a fitted sheet, and keep the crib bare. Room sharing without bed sharing is the safest option for the first few months.

Those First Three Months: What to Expect

Month One: Survival Mode

The first month is about basic survival for everyone. Your baby is figuring out life outside the womb, and you're figuring out how to keep a tiny human alive while running on minimal sleep.

Physically, your baby will have strong reflexes. They'll root when you touch their cheek, suck when something touches their lips, and startle at loud noises or sudden movements. Their movements are jerky and uncontrolled—this is normal and will smooth out over the coming weeks.

They can focus on things about 8-12 inches away (conveniently, about the distance to your face when you're holding them), and they already recognize your voice. Those brief moments of eye contact are real, even if they don't last long.

Month Two: First Smiles

Around 6-8 weeks, you'll get your first real social smile, and it will make all those sleepless nights worth it. This is when babies start to have longer alert periods and show more interest in faces and voices.

Your baby's movements will become smoother, and they'll start to follow objects with their eyes. They might make their first cooing sounds, which sound like tiny conversations even though they don't mean anything yet.

Month Three: Personality Emerges

By three months, your baby will have much better head control and might even push up on their forearms during tummy time. They'll start to swipe at objects and bring their hands to their mouth more purposefully.

Socially, this is when their personality really starts to shine. They'll smile in response to your smiles, might laugh or giggle, and will clearly recognize familiar faces. The interaction becomes much more rewarding for parents at this stage.

Survival Tips That Actually Help

The internet is full of advice, but here's what actually matters in those early weeks:

Sleep when the baby sleeps. I know you've heard this a million times, but it's repeated so often because it's true. The dishes can wait. The laundry can wait. Your sleep cannot. Accept help, but be specific about what you need. When people offer to help, give them actual tasks. "Can you hold the baby while I shower?" or "Can you bring dinner Tuesday night?" is much more helpful than vague offers. Lower your standards temporarily. Your house doesn't need to be perfect. You don't need to cook elaborate meals. Paper plates are fine. Takeout is fine. Whatever gets you through is fine. Get outside every day, even if it's just to the mailbox. Fresh air and a change of scenery help both you and the baby. Don't worry about having everything perfect for outings—babies are portable in those early weeks.

When to Worry (And When Not To)

Call your pediatrician if your baby has:

- A fever over 100.4°F

- Difficulty breathing or changes in breathing patterns

- Hasn't had a wet diaper in more than 6 hours

- Is extremely fussy and can't be consoled, or unusually lethargic

- Isn't eating or is vomiting frequently

For yourself, reach out for help if you're experiencing:

- Intense sadness, anxiety, or mood swings that interfere with daily life

- Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

- Feeling like you can't bond with your baby

- Physical symptoms that concern you

The fourth trimester is hard. It's supposed to be hard. You're not doing anything wrong if you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or unsure. Every parent goes through this adjustment period, and it does get easier. Take it one day at a time, ask for help when you need it, and remember that you're exactly the parent your baby needs.